Grab Them By The Wall

It’s that time of the year again! To read my (back in January) topical (now old-news) sketch submission for the 2019 NBC Late Night Workshop. Shout out to the Shutdown! Enjoy! Please, click on the title below to read the whole sketch. (Unfortunately, I can’t properly paste it in the body of this post. It doesn’t support the script format.)

GRAB THEM BY THE WALL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grab Them By The Wall

 

 

 

Topical Sketch

 

(digital short)

 

Written by: Liana Mesaikou

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

January 2019

 

Draft #2

 

email: lianascomedy@gmail.com

INT. WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM – MORNING

MELANIA’s jeweled hand reaches out to switch off the alarm; time: 10:00am. The TV is set on Fox News (on mute).

Insert Chyron: “Trump Always Knows What He’s Doing.”

Melania gets out of bed in silk monogrammed pajamas, urgently needing to pee. A mess of designer clothes and handbags on the floor.

She walks over to the bathroom door but it is locked. She starts banging it.

DONALD TRUMP (O.S.)

Occupado.

MELANIA

Donald, please. I need to pee.

DONALD TRUMP opens the door while sitting on the toilet.

DONALD TRUMP

(overly excited)

You can do it on the bed!

Melania makes a grimace of disgust and walks over to her closet.

The Chyron on the TV now reads: “Trump Is Always Right And Never Lies.”

Melania opens the closet. Every piece of clothing is in a  Gucci laundry basket. She picks up a few, looks at the stains, smells them.

She really needs to pee. She leaps over to a second closet.

The new Chyron on the TV reads: “Trump Best President in US History, Lincoln a Not-So-Close Second.”

Melania opens the new closet. It’s full of gowns. She grabs one without looking at it.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, HALLWAY/BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Melania, in an extravagant gown-replica of the Russian flag, opens a door to a trashed bathroom and a full toilet that hasn’t been flushed.

She presses the handle to flush but no water comes out. She barely keeps herself from throwing up; the smell is disgusting.

She hastily exits.

EXT. WHITE HOUSE GARDEN – MOMENTS LATER

Melania is peeing behind a rose bush in her red-bottom Louboutin heels — a luxurious jacket over her gown.

A group of TOURISTS walk by led by a GUIDE. They stop.

GUIDE

And here we have the famous Rose Garden — oh, and there’s First Lady Melania Trump!

The tourists look over at Melania peeing — they wave. She forces a smile and waves back.

GUIDE (cont’d)

Fun fact, ever since the shutdown, the roses are growing twice as fast thanks to all the peeing and pooping.

While still peeing, Melania turns around. On the back of her jacket, diamonds shape the phrase: “I DON’T GIVE A CRAP. DO YOU?”

Melania looks over her shoulder and sees SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS and KELLYANNE CONWAY peeing a few feet over. They nod, smile, and wave awkwardly to each other.

GUIDE (cont’d)

(to the group)

And, now, as I’m not getting paid, fuck you, you can find your own way out.

The Guide leaves. The group of tourists look at each other awkwardly.

After a beat, they take out their phones and shamelessly take pictures of Melania, Sarah and Kellyanne peeing.

MELANIA

Make sure you use “Clarendon”.

Hashtag no filter!

Melania winks at them and starts posing.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, HALLWAY – LATER

Melania walks down the hallway, looking at pictures of herself peeing in the Rose Garden on Instagram.

CLOSE UP: on a picture of a “duck-face” Melania peeing.

MELANIA

This will make a great anniversary present for my Donald.

A dog runs by her, stops, pees, and leaves.

Melania looks around.

MELANIA (cont’d)

Will someone clean up after Vladimir?

(beat)

Hello? Where is everybody?

Melania walks into —

INT. THE AIDE’S OFFICES – CONTINUOUS

The space is completely deserted. Left-overs of Christmas decorations falling apart.

Phones ring constantly — no one picks them up. Carton boxes of food on the desks, flies flying around, piles of files and papers on the floor, overflowing bins, a mouse walks across the room.

MELANIA

(into her phone)

Siri, where is my husband?

SIRI (V.O.)

On the fast track to impeachment.

INT. WHITE HOUSE HALLWAY/OVAL OFFICE – LATER

Melania stands in the hallway, outside the Oval Office.

She listens to Donald Trump’s moans through the door.

DONALD TRUMP (O.S.)

Oh yeah! That’s it! Give it to me baby!

Melania opens the door and steps into —

INT. THE OVAL OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Donald Trump stands in front of the window, looking at something through his binoculars.

INSERT binoculars POV: IVANKA peeing in the Rose Garden.

Melania catches him in the act.

MELANIA

Donald!

DONALD TRUMP

Melania, I swear to you, it’s not what you think.

MELANIA

Is this why you refuse to pay the water bill?

DONALD TRUMP

Okay, yes, it is what you think.

A WHITE HOUSE AIDE comes into the Oval Office and walks straight to Melania.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE

Here’s your speech for tomorrow, ma’am.

The Aide hands Melania a copy of Michelle Obama’s “Becoming”.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM – NIGHT

Melania lies in bed, her back turned to Donald. He makes gross, sexual grunts and advances. She pushes him away and points at her lady-parts.

MELANIA

This… shut down!

(beat)

Imagine there’s an invisible wall between us.

CLOSE UP on Trump. Her words echo in his ears.

MELANIA (V.O.)

Invisible wall! Invisible wall!

DONALD TRUMP

Melania, that’s it!

BEGIN FANTASY SEQUENCE:

Donald Trump closes his eyes.

He pictures the cover of “The Failing New York Times”.

The headline reads: “Trump Builds Huge Invisible Wall Between Mexico And The US.”

He pictures another cover. This time it’s People’s Magazine.

The Headline reads: “Trump Voted Sexiest Man Alive”.

END OF FANTASY SEQUENCE

Trump has a huge smile on his face — his eyes still closed.

DONALD TRUMP (cont’d)

Yes, baby! That’s it!

Melania rolls her eyes.

She reaches out her hand — it has even more jewels on than it did this morning. She switches off the light.

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grab Them By The Wall

 

 

 

Topical Sketch

 

(digital short)

 

Written by: Liana Mesaikou

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

January 2019

 

Draft #2

 

email: lianascomedy@gmail.com

INT. WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM – MORNING

MELANIA’s jeweled hand reaches out to switch off the alarm; time: 10:00am. The TV is set on Fox News (on mute).

Insert Chyron: “Trump Always Knows What He’s Doing.”

Melania gets out of bed in silk monogrammed pajamas, urgently needing to pee. A mess of designer clothes and handbags on the floor.

She walks over to the bathroom door but it is locked. She starts banging it.

DONALD TRUMP (O.S.)

Occupado.

MELANIA

Donald, please. I need to pee.

DONALD TRUMP opens the door while sitting on the toilet.

DONALD TRUMP

(overly excited)

You can do it on the bed!

Melania makes a grimace of disgust and walks over to her closet.

The Chyron on the TV now reads: “Trump Is Always Right And Never Lies.”

Melania opens the closet. Every piece of clothing is in a  Gucci laundry basket. She picks up a few, looks at the stains, smells them.

She really needs to pee. She leaps over to a second closet.

The new Chyron on the TV reads: “Trump Best President in US History, Lincoln a Not-So-Close Second.”

Melania opens the new closet. It’s full of gowns. She grabs one without looking at it.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, HALLWAY/BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Melania, in an extravagant gown-replica of the Russian flag, opens a door to a trashed bathroom and a full toilet that hasn’t been flushed.

She presses the handle to flush but no water comes out. She barely keeps herself from throwing up; the smell is disgusting.

She hastily exits.

EXT. WHITE HOUSE GARDEN – MOMENTS LATER

Melania is peeing behind a rose bush in her red-bottom Louboutin heels — a luxurious jacket over her gown.

A group of TOURISTS walk by led by a GUIDE. They stop.

GUIDE

And here we have the famous Rose Garden — oh, and there’s First Lady Melania Trump!

The tourists look over at Melania peeing — they wave. She forces a smile and waves back.

GUIDE (cont’d)

Fun fact, ever since the shutdown, the roses are growing twice as fast thanks to all the peeing and pooping.

While still peeing, Melania turns around. On the back of her jacket, diamonds shape the phrase: “I DON’T GIVE A CRAP. DO YOU?”

Melania looks over her shoulder and sees SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS and KELLYANNE CONWAY peeing a few feet over. They nod, smile, and wave awkwardly to each other.

GUIDE (cont’d)

(to the group)

And, now, as I’m not getting paid, fuck you, you can find your own way out.

The Guide leaves. The group of tourists look at each other awkwardly.

After a beat, they take out their phones and shamelessly take pictures of Melania, Sarah and Kellyanne peeing.

MELANIA

Make sure you use “Clarendon”.

Hashtag no filter!

Melania winks at them and starts posing.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, HALLWAY – LATER

Melania walks down the hallway, looking at pictures of herself peeing in the Rose Garden on Instagram.

CLOSE UP: on a picture of a “duck-face” Melania peeing.

MELANIA

This will make a great anniversary present for my Donald.

A dog runs by her, stops, pees, and leaves.

Melania looks around.

MELANIA (cont’d)

Will someone clean up after Vladimir?

(beat)

Hello? Where is everybody?

Melania walks into —

INT. THE AIDE’S OFFICES – CONTINUOUS

The space is completely deserted. Left-overs of Christmas decorations falling apart.

Phones ring constantly — no one picks them up. Carton boxes of food on the desks, flies flying around, piles of files and papers on the floor, overflowing bins, a mouse walks across the room.

MELANIA

(into her phone)

Siri, where is my husband?

SIRI (V.O.)

On the fast track to impeachment.

INT. WHITE HOUSE HALLWAY/OVAL OFFICE – LATER

Melania stands in the hallway, outside the Oval Office.

She listens to Donald Trump’s moans through the door.

DONALD TRUMP (O.S.)

Oh yeah! That’s it! Give it to me baby!

Melania opens the door and steps into —

INT. THE OVAL OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Donald Trump stands in front of the window, looking at something through his binoculars.

INSERT binoculars POV: IVANKA peeing in the Rose Garden.

Melania catches him in the act.

MELANIA

Donald!

DONALD TRUMP

Melania, I swear to you, it’s not what you think.

MELANIA

Is this why you refuse to pay the water bill?

DONALD TRUMP

Okay, yes, it is what you think.

A WHITE HOUSE AIDE comes into the Oval Office and walks straight to Melania.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE

Here’s your speech for tomorrow, ma’am.

The Aide hands Melania a copy of Michelle Obama’s “Becoming”.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM – NIGHT

Melania lies in bed, her back turned to Donald. He makes gross, sexual grunts and advances. She pushes him away and points at her lady-parts.

MELANIA

This… shut down!

(beat)

Imagine there’s an invisible wall between us.

CLOSE UP on Trump. Her words echo in his ears.

MELANIA (V.O.)

Invisible wall! Invisible wall!

DONALD TRUMP

Melania, that’s it!

BEGIN FANTASY SEQUENCE:

Donald Trump closes his eyes.

He pictures the cover of “The Failing New York Times”.

The headline reads: “Trump Builds Huge Invisible Wall Between Mexico And The US.”

He pictures another cover. This time it’s People’s Magazine.

The Headline reads: “Trump Voted Sexiest Man Alive”.

END OF FANTASY SEQUENCE

Trump has a huge smile on his face — his eyes still closed.

DONALD TRUMP (cont’d)

Yes, baby! That’s it!

Melania rolls her eyes.

She reaches out her hand — it has even more jewels on than it did this morning. She switches off the light.

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grab Them By The Wall

 

 

 

Topical Sketch

 

(digital short)

 

Written by: Liana Mesaikou

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

January 2019

 

Draft #2

 

email: lianascomedy@gmail.com

INT. WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM – MORNING

MELANIA’s jeweled hand reaches out to switch off the alarm; time: 10:00am. The TV is set on Fox News (on mute).

Insert Chyron: “Trump Always Knows What He’s Doing.”

Melania gets out of bed in silk monogrammed pajamas, urgently needing to pee. A mess of designer clothes and handbags on the floor.

She walks over to the bathroom door but it is locked. She starts banging it.

DONALD TRUMP (O.S.)

Occupado.

MELANIA

Donald, please. I need to pee.

DONALD TRUMP opens the door while sitting on the toilet.

DONALD TRUMP

(overly excited)

You can do it on the bed!

Melania makes a grimace of disgust and walks over to her closet.

The Chyron on the TV now reads: “Trump Is Always Right And Never Lies.”

Melania opens the closet. Every piece of clothing is in a  Gucci laundry basket. She picks up a few, looks at the stains, smells them.

She really needs to pee. She leaps over to a second closet.

The new Chyron on the TV reads: “Trump Best President in US History, Lincoln a Not-So-Close Second.”

Melania opens the new closet. It’s full of gowns. She grabs one without looking at it.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, HALLWAY/BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Melania, in an extravagant gown-replica of the Russian flag, opens a door to a trashed bathroom and a full toilet that hasn’t been flushed.

She presses the handle to flush but no water comes out. She barely keeps herself from throwing up; the smell is disgusting.

She hastily exits.

EXT. WHITE HOUSE GARDEN – MOMENTS LATER

Melania is peeing behind a rose bush in her red-bottom Louboutin heels — a luxurious jacket over her gown.

A group of TOURISTS walk by led by a GUIDE. They stop.

GUIDE

And here we have the famous Rose Garden — oh, and there’s First Lady Melania Trump!

The tourists look over at Melania peeing — they wave. She forces a smile and waves back.

GUIDE (cont’d)

Fun fact, ever since the shutdown, the roses are growing twice as fast thanks to all the peeing and pooping.

While still peeing, Melania turns around. On the back of her jacket, diamonds shape the phrase: “I DON’T GIVE A CRAP. DO YOU?”

Melania looks over her shoulder and sees SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS and KELLYANNE CONWAY peeing a few feet over. They nod, smile, and wave awkwardly to each other.

GUIDE (cont’d)

(to the group)

And, now, as I’m not getting paid, fuck you, you can find your own way out.

The Guide leaves. The group of tourists look at each other awkwardly.

After a beat, they take out their phones and shamelessly take pictures of Melania, Sarah and Kellyanne peeing.

MELANIA

Make sure you use “Clarendon”.

Hashtag no filter!

Melania winks at them and starts posing.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, HALLWAY – LATER

Melania walks down the hallway, looking at pictures of herself peeing in the Rose Garden on Instagram.

CLOSE UP: on a picture of a “duck-face” Melania peeing.

MELANIA

This will make a great anniversary present for my Donald.

A dog runs by her, stops, pees, and leaves.

Melania looks around.

MELANIA (cont’d)

Will someone clean up after Vladimir?

(beat)

Hello? Where is everybody?

Melania walks into —

INT. THE AIDE’S OFFICES – CONTINUOUS

The space is completely deserted. Left-overs of Christmas decorations falling apart.

Phones ring constantly — no one picks them up. Carton boxes of food on the desks, flies flying around, piles of files and papers on the floor, overflowing bins, a mouse walks across the room.

MELANIA

(into her phone)

Siri, where is my husband?

SIRI (V.O.)

On the fast track to impeachment.

INT. WHITE HOUSE HALLWAY/OVAL OFFICE – LATER

Melania stands in the hallway, outside the Oval Office.

She listens to Donald Trump’s moans through the door.

DONALD TRUMP (O.S.)

Oh yeah! That’s it! Give it to me baby!

Melania opens the door and steps into —

INT. THE OVAL OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Donald Trump stands in front of the window, looking at something through his binoculars.

INSERT binoculars POV: IVANKA peeing in the Rose Garden.

Melania catches him in the act.

MELANIA

Donald!

DONALD TRUMP

Melania, I swear to you, it’s not what you think.

MELANIA

Is this why you refuse to pay the water bill?

DONALD TRUMP

Okay, yes, it is what you think.

A WHITE HOUSE AIDE comes into the Oval Office and walks straight to Melania.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE

Here’s your speech for tomorrow, ma’am.

The Aide hands Melania a copy of Michelle Obama’s “Becoming”.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM – NIGHT

Melania lies in bed, her back turned to Donald. He makes gross, sexual grunts and advances. She pushes him away and points at her lady-parts.

MELANIA

This… shut down!

(beat)

Imagine there’s an invisible wall between us.

CLOSE UP on Trump. Her words echo in his ears.

MELANIA (V.O.)

Invisible wall! Invisible wall!

DONALD TRUMP

Melania, that’s it!

BEGIN FANTASY SEQUENCE:

Donald Trump closes his eyes.

He pictures the cover of “The Failing New York Times”.

The headline reads: “Trump Builds Huge Invisible Wall Between Mexico And The US.”

He pictures another cover. This time it’s People’s Magazine.

The Headline reads: “Trump Voted Sexiest Man Alive”.

END OF FANTASY SEQUENCE

Trump has a huge smile on his face — his eyes still closed.

DONALD TRUMP (cont’d)

Yes, baby! That’s it!

Melania rolls her eyes.

She reaches out her hand — it has even more jewels on than it did this morning. She switches off the light.

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grab Them By The Wall

 

 

 

Topical Sketch

 

(digital short)

 

Written by: Liana Mesaikou

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

January 2019

 

Draft #2

 

email: lianascomedy@gmail.com

INT. WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM – MORNING

MELANIA’s jeweled hand reaches out to switch off the alarm; time: 10:00am. The TV is set on Fox News (on mute).

Insert Chyron: “Trump Always Knows What He’s Doing.”

Melania gets out of bed in silk monogrammed pajamas, urgently needing to pee. A mess of designer clothes and handbags on the floor.

She walks over to the bathroom door but it is locked. She starts banging it.

DONALD TRUMP (O.S.)

Occupado.

MELANIA

Donald, please. I need to pee.

DONALD TRUMP opens the door while sitting on the toilet.

DONALD TRUMP

(overly excited)

You can do it on the bed!

Melania makes a grimace of disgust and walks over to her closet.

The Chyron on the TV now reads: “Trump Is Always Right And Never Lies.”

Melania opens the closet. Every piece of clothing is in a  Gucci laundry basket. She picks up a few, looks at the stains, smells them.

She really needs to pee. She leaps over to a second closet.

The new Chyron on the TV reads: “Trump Best President in US History, Lincoln a Not-So-Close Second.”

Melania opens the new closet. It’s full of gowns. She grabs one without looking at it.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, HALLWAY/BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Melania, in an extravagant gown-replica of the Russian flag, opens a door to a trashed bathroom and a full toilet that hasn’t been flushed.

She presses the handle to flush but no water comes out. She barely keeps herself from throwing up; the smell is disgusting.

She hastily exits.

EXT. WHITE HOUSE GARDEN – MOMENTS LATER

Melania is peeing behind a rose bush in her red-bottom Louboutin heels — a luxurious jacket over her gown.

A group of TOURISTS walk by led by a GUIDE. They stop.

GUIDE

And here we have the famous Rose Garden — oh, and there’s First Lady Melania Trump!

The tourists look over at Melania peeing — they wave. She forces a smile and waves back.

GUIDE (cont’d)

Fun fact, ever since the shutdown, the roses are growing twice as fast thanks to all the peeing and pooping.

While still peeing, Melania turns around. On the back of her jacket, diamonds shape the phrase: “I DON’T GIVE A CRAP. DO YOU?”

Melania looks over her shoulder and sees SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS and KELLYANNE CONWAY peeing a few feet over. They nod, smile, and wave awkwardly to each other.

GUIDE (cont’d)

(to the group)

And, now, as I’m not getting paid, fuck you, you can find your own way out.

The Guide leaves. The group of tourists look at each other awkwardly.

After a beat, they take out their phones and shamelessly take pictures of Melania, Sarah and Kellyanne peeing.

MELANIA

Make sure you use “Clarendon”.

Hashtag no filter!

Melania winks at them and starts posing.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, HALLWAY – LATER

Melania walks down the hallway, looking at pictures of herself peeing in the Rose Garden on Instagram.

CLOSE UP: on a picture of a “duck-face” Melania peeing.

MELANIA

This will make a great anniversary present for my Donald.

A dog runs by her, stops, pees, and leaves.

Melania looks around.

MELANIA (cont’d)

Will someone clean up after Vladimir?

(beat)

Hello? Where is everybody?

Melania walks into —

INT. THE AIDE’S OFFICES – CONTINUOUS

The space is completely deserted. Left-overs of Christmas decorations falling apart.

Phones ring constantly — no one picks them up. Carton boxes of food on the desks, flies flying around, piles of files and papers on the floor, overflowing bins, a mouse walks across the room.

MELANIA

(into her phone)

Siri, where is my husband?

SIRI (V.O.)

On the fast track to impeachment.

INT. WHITE HOUSE HALLWAY/OVAL OFFICE – LATER

Melania stands in the hallway, outside the Oval Office.

She listens to Donald Trump’s moans through the door.

DONALD TRUMP (O.S.)

Oh yeah! That’s it! Give it to me baby!

Melania opens the door and steps into —

INT. THE OVAL OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Donald Trump stands in front of the window, looking at something through his binoculars.

INSERT binoculars POV: IVANKA peeing in the Rose Garden.

Melania catches him in the act.

MELANIA

Donald!

DONALD TRUMP

Melania, I swear to you, it’s not what you think.

MELANIA

Is this why you refuse to pay the water bill?

DONALD TRUMP

Okay, yes, it is what you think.

A WHITE HOUSE AIDE comes into the Oval Office and walks straight to Melania.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE

Here’s your speech for tomorrow, ma’am.

The Aide hands Melania a copy of Michelle Obama’s “Becoming”.

INT. WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM – NIGHT

Melania lies in bed, her back turned to Donald. He makes gross, sexual grunts and advances. She pushes him away and points at her lady-parts.

MELANIA

This… shut down!

(beat)

Imagine there’s an invisible wall between us.

CLOSE UP on Trump. Her words echo in his ears.

MELANIA (V.O.)

Invisible wall! Invisible wall!

DONALD TRUMP

Melania, that’s it!

BEGIN FANTASY SEQUENCE:

Donald Trump closes his eyes.

He pictures the cover of “The Failing New York Times”.

The headline reads: “Trump Builds Huge Invisible Wall Between Mexico And The US.”

He pictures another cover. This time it’s People’s Magazine.

The Headline reads: “Trump Voted Sexiest Man Alive”.

END OF FANTASY SEQUENCE

Trump has a huge smile on his face — his eyes still closed.

DONALD TRUMP (cont’d)

Yes, baby! That’s it!

Melania rolls her eyes.

She reaches out her hand — it has even more jewels on than it did this morning. She switches off the light.

THE END

 

 

 

 

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